Jenny-Anne Bishop

My name is Jenny-Anne and as a transgendered person who presents, and wants to be accepted, as a woman. I've always had problems with being accepted at Church as myself, and struggled with conflicts between my faith and my perceived gender.

I was brought up as a strict Roman Catholic in the 1950's early 1960's when there were diametrically opposed attitudes between my Catholic faith and my transgendered (TG) status. I went to an RC Christian Brothers school in SE London, which was very strict, but did help me to get ahead in education. When my father got a partnership in the company and we moved to Sevenoaks, Kent, I got transferred to a different Catholic school where suddenly I was doing really well because the Christian Brothers had pushed me on so far. But they were so strict about religion and discipline that they certainly didn't have any room for female attributes in a small boy's character.

In the 'fifties there was very little known about transgendered people (the term wasn't even invented then). There were a few notorious individuals in the public eye, such as Christine Jorgensen, but in the main it wasn't known about and certainly not discussed. Anyone showing the slightest inkling of being transgendered was classed as deviant and probably a child abuser.

My parents found anything to do with sex or gender embarrassing and, rather than discuss it, gave me books to read, which said if you were gay, or were transgendered, you should do lots of sports and have cold showers, and grow out of such subversive behaviour. At university the college library helped me to find out more. I started to question, perhaps a little bit, whether it was right or wrong to be TG. I'd always assumed it was such a wonderful pleasure to be myself, that it must be very wrong! I always felt very guilty after having time to be myself. I really got no help from the church, probably because I was too embarrassed to talk about it very much. I was, like so many TG people, coerced into the then current attitude, that once I found a girl friend and fell for her that would be the end of it.

So I got married and now we have two wonderful children and an amazing granddaughter. Of course it wasn't at all an end to being TG and living with another woman just intensified my need to be myself. My children were brought up as Catholics and my wife was a convert. And for a long time I still went to church, but there was always this conflict between the faith taught in the Catholic Church and my transgendered status. It was as if you had to keep the two apart; and also I felt that it was something very embarrassing that you hid and never discussed.

If you were lucky, as I was, you belonged to one of the few self-help groups which existed in the 1960's and 70's. This meant you could meet others in private or in a few clubs, mix socially with people who, in one way or another, were transgendered. But you could never live in the real world as yourself and there was no chance of ever going to church. And so I guess I kept the church and my TG self very much apart, and never even considered being able to pray as myself.

It was only in 1998 when I was first introduced to the Sibyls (a Christian spirituality group for transgendered people) - and the MCC - that I thought at all about my faith and being transgendered together. It's very strange because, for several years before that, I'd been good friends with a transgendered Vicar. He knew I was a Catholic and that I had quite a strong commitment to religion, and yet he didn't suggest that the Sibyls or the MCC Church might interest me. And when later I asked him he said, 'Well, I thought you were such a strong Catholic you wouldn't be interested...' - which may say something about his own background and expectations.

Initially I went to a local meeting of the Sibyls in 1998 not far from where I live. There was a communion service, but other commitments prevented me from staying for the meal afterwards (very symbolic). It was also the first time I'd been on my own to a complete stranger's house as Jenny-Anne. At the meeting I met several members of the Sibyls and I felt that it was such a comfortable and supportive group to be in. The pastor of the MCC church which I now attend came and took the communion service and I felt two things: I felt wonderful to be able to have communion as my true self, but I also felt very guilty for coming to God as Jenny-Anne. However as I felt the love of acceptance as myself, I knew that this was the group to be in.

Then one of my closest TG friends invited me to her house for another meeting of the Sibyls. Again I met so many friendly and accepting people and was able to have communion as myself; and once again met the Pastor from our MCC Church. After the meeting, my friend asked me to come for lunch on a Sunday, and then go to Church with her. My first thoughts were, 'Now, that's novel!' But I had to ask, 'Are you sure they'll accept me? Can I really come as myself?' She said, 'Yes, of course you can. Don't be silly!'

We went to the Metropolitan Community Church in Manchester, which I immediately found to be a truly inclusive and supportive church. I don't say it's perfect - we're not - but we do welcome any and every body, unless they're disruptive! I was so amazed to go and feel the welcoming love and support of the people at this church after feeling that churches had rejected me for so many years. I felt it was the most Christian Church I'd ever been to, and felt, at last, I 'd found a spiritual home to be in.

I was immediately adopted into the church social circles, asked if I would like to go to the monthly dinner club, which raised money for the church, but most of all I could go as myself and be myself in ordinary social circles. I got asked to picnics and barbecues and went on church outings. I felt, 'This is fantastic, this is being myself in real life!' It certainly brought me out and it changed me dramatically from being what my partner Linda called 'a caricature of a woman' and more of a "closet" transgendered person, to trying to be a real woman in the ordinary world. My partner, Linda, who I met at Sibyls has greatly helped me too. She said, "You just need a few subtle changes and you'll look much more acceptable". And well...I won't say they noticed a dramatic change at church, but I noticed people everywhere were much more comfortable with me and they weren't embarrassed about being out with me at all.

After a while of going to the MCC church, I was asked to become a full member rather than just somebody attending. So Linda and I went to the classes about the faith of the church, and very broadly it was quite similar to my faith as a Catholic. Both of us joined the church as full members and I began the process of forgiving myself for being transgendered and beginning to believe that maybe God was quite happy with me going to church as Jenny-Anne and being the person God had created - although I do sometimes still feel, 'no, no, no, you're just cheating and fooling yourself!' However, I feel much less like this than I used to, because my faith and acceptance by others has made me feel much more comfortable with myself.

I would say I've been over fifty years on this journey and the last five years have been a revelation to me. Since I first went to church and joined the Sibyls, five or six years ago, my faith and my life have changed completely. I'm able to accept myself, and almost justify myself to the world. I'm not, in the main, embarrassed by my TG status any more. If people see me out and about and they guess what I am, so what? I'm not going to foist myself upon others, but I don't make any apologies for who or what I am.

Being a member of the church helped me dramatically with that. And I really love going to church now. I participate in the services much more than I ever did, right back to when I used to be an altar server in the Catholic Church. (My father was the MC at the Latin sung mass each Sunday, so naturally I got co-opted onto the team.) I had also stopped going to communion in the Catholic Church because: a) I was not with my wife any more because of my TG status and b) because I felt being my true self was such a dreadful sin. But I don't feel like that any more. Certainly, our pastor has helped me to get to that point, but also all the people around me. I was amazed last autumn when our Pastor Andy suggested I stand for election to the Church board of directors. I felt I wasn't good enough to do that. But he said, 'Look, I wouldn't have asked you, if I didn't think you were the right person.'

At the AGM the only person who didn't vote for me, was myself! ...

I hope I'm helping others now and giving something back to the church in return for what's been done for me and I feel very honoured to represent TG people to our church Board. Also I belong to several other support groups including The Sibyls and the Unique group in North Wales. I like helping with Diversity training for the North Wales Police and being on the Beaumont Trust TG Helpline. I'm on a local LGBT group in my hometown in Cheshire, "Voices in Vale Royal for Minorities in the Community". I feel it's my turn to put something back for all that's have been done to help me.

The thing, which really made the difference for me, was just being able to go to church regularly with everybody accepting me as myself. Nobody ever called me anything other than Jenny-Anne, or treated me other than as a woman. Nobody ever gave me the slightest hint that they were uncomfortable, or disapproved of me. Just simple acceptance means so much to TG people!!

Jenny-Anne Bishop

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