Philip Jones

Although I wasn't brought up within a church-going family, my musical interests - principally around the piano - soon led me to become fascinated with the pipe organ. I was absorbed not only by the wonderful sound that it can make, but also by the complexities involved in playing it. And it just so happened that the father of one of my school friends was the organist at a local church. So there was my chance, and that's how I started - quite accidentally - as a musician within a church setting.

I soon realised that organists were a rare breed and very much in demand. Requests started arriving from local clergy in need of someone to cover holidays, play for weddings, even to take on a permanent appointment. And, inevitably, the more services I played for, the more familiar I became with the prayers, readings, psalms, and liturgy of the church. This, I am sure, was where some very solid foundations were laid as I steadily absorbed the framework of church worship through the ministry of music.

Then I met Father Alan. He unashamedly poached me from my deputizing duties at a neighbouring church, and within weeks my understanding of worship had been notched up several gears as I was introduced to the glory of High Church ritual done superbly well. And not only did the worship style reach deep down inside me, but I was thrilled to be invited regularly to the gin parties in the Rectory where famous Anglo-Catholic clergy would attend with their boyfriends, and hold court among the new initiates of this delightfully camp club.

At this time I was in my mid-twenties, learning about being gay (with grateful acknowledgement to the burgeoning gay scene in Manchester) and learning quite a lot about a very rarified section of the Church of England. It was from this church that I was confirmed in 1979 by Bishop Booth-Clibborn of Manchester, and I honestly believe that this was my adult baptism in the Spirit of God and the faith of Christ.

After about a year as deputy organist, altar server, and 'in' friend of the gay clergy at this Anglo-Catholic basilica, I was invited to move house and become a lodger in a Rectory somewhat nearer to my place of work. Through various social encounters, the priest had become a dear and sincere friend, it really suited my personal circumstances to accept his offer, and I spent 12 very happy months sharing the Rectory with him. During this time I deputised as organist for his church and eventually accepted the permanent post of Choirmaster. Although this caused me to lose touch with my former church, I felt I was learning to see a different perspective of the faith in this smaller, more family-oriented parish. And so I stayed on as Organist and Choirmaster, even when I had to move back to live with my father for the last few years of his life.

It was here that I reached a plateau in my faith journey. The years came and went. A new parish priest came and went. Families and friends within the parish came and went. And I became more and more stultified. I was trapped in church duties which no longer held any freshness or challenge for me. I played music which was sentimental, dull and lifeless. I listened to sermons with poor content and even worse delivery. I just felt I was being drained by the sameness of everything week after week after week.

But by the early 1990s I also became seriously disturbed and unsettled about the church's stance on matters of sexuality. I steadily grew tired of the way the official Anglican position on my sexuality disowned me. I felt I was used for what I could give to the church, but not affirmed in who I really was. As well as needing a deep and fundamental change of direction for the sake of my soul's health, I also needed to withdraw my investment of time and money from this organisation which was denying my full value in the sight of God. I could no longer actively support their unjust and - knowing what I knew - highly hypocritical position

So, in 1994 I made my first visit to MCC Manchester and was immediately struck by their exciting and liberating vision of God's unconditional love for all people. After further visits I soon realised that I was being challenged to make a new start, to bring my time, tithe and talents to this young and developing church, and to let God grow and develop my own spirituality among this diverse group of people.

As with most new arrivals in a church, the resident congregation soon unearthed my superficial talents - I can play the organ, so I quickly became Music Director; I do an administrative job in my employment, so I also became Secretary to the Board. But there has been so much more. MCC gives me the permission to explore and test my spiritual gifts in many ways. MCC affirms that I am still on a journey of discovery around ministry and vocation, and that I can do so much more than I realise when I open up my discipleship of Jesus and let it take hold. This, to me, is the practical working out of the Priesthood of All Believers and I now feel more alive spiritually than I have ever felt.

It has been quite a journey since 1994, but I have no doubt that it was the right move, and I have received so much more than I have given. This is the place - and these are the people - where I am loved, supported, challenged and shaped in ways I never previously experienced.

While my Anglican background is an integral part of my journey, and gave me many blessings, I now look sadly at the appalling divisions raised by the sexuality issues involved in the appointments to Reading and New Hampshire, and I realise that if I hadn't left the Anglican church when I did, I would certainly have to leave now. I thank God that I found a place full of fresh air in which I can breathe, rather than remain in a church which is suffocating from guilt, conflict and division."

Philip Jones