Bree has snapped,
it's understandable:
Of course she has the perfect right to be angry - she would be inhuman if she wasn't.
Anger literally
means "extreme displeasure" - does that sound more acceptable than
'anger?' Anger is a loaded word - more often than not we see it as a bad thing
- and yet there are times when many of us can relate to Bree in her anger.
I can get angry when I take my three little dogs for a walk: normally they
are good, but every so often there will be 'Oliver' lagging behind, 'Arnold'
at my heels and 'Maisie' way ahead. I'll say 'Maisie wait!' then turn around
to call Oliver. In that split second she'll be off across the road and heading
for home. I can shout after Maisie all I like … but she's got home in
sight. By the time I've waited for Oliver & safely crossed the road Maisie
is outside our house and I'm ANGRY. I can really feel it inside. My anger
is based on fear; my first dog was run over …running home. I pick Maisie
up & we all go back to the junction and wait … then all come home
together.
I shout, act, regain control … & my anger is dissipated. Finished.
Not all anger
is processed so easily or quickly. Bree thought that she had the perfect life.
She knew that her marriage needed a little tender loving care, but in no way
expected what she found. She was livid. However, she allows this anger to
take control. She wants revenge. She wants utter humiliation. She wants Rex's
innards served up on a silver platter. We can laugh at Bree's response and
feel empathy for her situation. She's not wrong to feel anger.
How else could she have processed her anger & desire for revenge?
What advice would you give to Bree if she came to you for advice?
From today's
reading we hear that Paul affirms that we are in community and are accountable
to one another. He says
"So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to
our neighbours, for we are members of one another."
He goes on to say
"Be angry ...."
yes really, Paul says
"Be angry … but do not sin ... and do not make room for the devil."
So we need to 'speak the truth to our neighbours' - so gossip is OK?! No -
Paul goes on to say that we are members of one another. Gossip is not the
same as confession. Gossip shares someone else's story or misdemeanour; whereas
confession shares my difficulties, acknowledging where I am wrong. We are
members of one another ... our anger impacts on those around us. For anger
to be resolved it needs to be recognised, named, worked through and let go
of. This may be done in private; before God, a friend or community; or in
the presence of the wronged.
Action is needed,
and often we need the support & guidance and prayer of those around us
to see it through and to not return to old hurts.
" Could we write a letter or email to the person we are angry with BUT
NOT send it? We could then review the key points when we are less emotional.
It may be appropriate to communicate about the issues …the heat of the
moment may not be the time to send that text.
Paul wisely does not tell us not to be angry, but leaves us with the picture
"do not let the Sun go down on your anger."
Timing is important. I realise now that I have grown up believing this quite
literally ... that I should resolve feelings of anger on the day that they
happen. Yet anger doesn't just go away … and when we grieve for the loss
of a relationship, a situation or a life … it's going to take time for
us to work through our emotions.
... 'the sun going down' is a time that can come almost without warning and
lasts only a short while before darkness is completely here. Perhaps, when
we are angry, the time for reconciliation is short lived before anger becomes
revenge at any cost.
I remember the tale of the lover who found out her partner was cheating on
her. They split and her lover moved into a new home with her new lover. They
divided all their possessions and the cheating lover really wanted the curtains
and long curtain pole. The avenged party agreed, after discovering the curtain
pole was hollow. Into this hollow pole she put lots and lots of frozen shrimps
the night before the move ……. Her ex and new partner couldn't work
out where the awful smell in their new love nest came from, and spent lots
of time & money investigating it. Eventually they moved on again, making
sure, of course to take the curtains and pole with them…….
Just like the
curtain pole we unwittingly carry our anger with us from place to place ...
to each relationship we engage in ... and to each community we are part of.
Anger in itself is not wrong, but we should not let it control us or dominate
us. Anger CAN achieve wonderful things when people speak or act in truth in
situations of social injustice. For example:
" MCC began October 6th 1968 in Los Angeles. Troy Perry (our Founder)
had been defrocked as a Pentecostal Minister because of his homosexuality.
He was angry and spent the next several years struggling to reconcile his
sexuality and his Christian spirituality. Troy had a failed romance; he had
attempted suicide. Eventually he was reconciled with God and experienced an
unexpected prophecy that led to the birth of a dream and the channelling of
his anger into building MCC.
" In June 1969 the people who were involved in the Stonewall Uprisings
in New York were angry with the police ... who, once again, raided a gay bar
for no good reason. Their uprising gave birth to the modern gay rights movements
which have resulted in the acceptance and mainstreaming of our peoples.
" South Africa has moved from being an apartheid state to becoming a
country which now leads in the field of Civil Rights. But the story does not
end there, for the anger that had brought change in a good way was still part
of the lives and histories of the people and communities. There was a need
for a resolution ... a process that recognised the atrocities that had gone
before. South Africa needed a way of dealing with the anger and pain. It did
this through facing the truth. It established the 'Truth and Reconciliation
Commission.' This meant that people who had committed horrible crimes had
to face up to what they had done and face their victims. This public confession
did not right the wrongs, but for many, it enabled their questions about lost
loved ones to be answered and the grieving and healing to begin. It is very
difficult to move on from anger and forgive someone if they do not recognise
what they have done wrong.
" More recently, the anger we have, at how people are treated who are
fleeing violence and seeking a place of safety in our country... has got us
involved with the campaign to keep Moses in the UK. If you've not signed a
card and would like to … see me after the service!
Anger is not
wrong ... it is a natural emotion, neither good nor bad ... and it can be
very useful. However, it is how we use anger that opens up questions of morality.
Anger can be a wonderful energy of change, and it can also dominate and twist
us. We have to learn to use anger positively … to acknowledge our own
responsibilities and mistakes and be prepared to say sorry & make amends.
Bree is intent on revenge and many of us carry that curtain pole of anger
with us, not even realising where the smell (the anger) is coming from. Before
we can let go and move on we need to know that it is there. This is where
we need those beyond the situation to be with us: our friends and families
(whether by birth and of choice) ... our neighbourhoods and church communities.
We need to be accountable to them and they to us. Who can Bree turn to? What
could you do next? Paul writes to the Ephesians:
"So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our
neighbours, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do
not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil."
Ephesians 4: 25-27.
Please pray with me
May God's Spirit of Peace, challenge and disturb us
May we be part of creating - communities that are not afraid of anger;
- friendships that seek justice;
- partnerships that build new possibilities
- and forgiveness for each of us - in Christ's name.
AMEN
(John Lawson)
This sermon was first preached in the Metropolitan Community Church of Manchester. Click here for further information.