It is always difficult to be hurt by someone we love and care for. It is especially difficult to be betrayed by a lover, close friend or partner. Marge has much to put up with in her life – squabbling kids, Homer not progressing at work, his thoughtless and now a hint of infidelity.  She must have the patience of a saint, but also, as is clear from the end of the clip a fair amount of anger too!  To find forgiveness is hard, especially hard for Marge in today’s episode from The Simpsons. 

Wounded 

All of us have been wounded, all of us have wounded others – either deliberately or not.  Wounding and being wounded are painful aspects of our human condition.  We have been wounded by friends, our families, our churches and “the system”.  For many of us we found ourselves wounded by friends and families when they found out the truth about us.  For others the experience of being wounded, of being betrayed had nothing to do with gender or sexuality; friendships can end – sometimes very painfully.  Families can be estranged.  On Wednesday in court we were dealing with a very troubled young man whom we felt very sorry for despite his numerous crimes because of his difficult home circumstances.  He was accompanied by his mother who was asked by the Chair if she had anything positive to say about her son – she replied “no” despite prompting.  It was harrowing, that lad has almost no chance of a successful start to his life.  He is wounded by his mother, the person who should be nurturing, loving, guiding and caring for him.   

Marge is angry when she is wounded and betrayed by Homer.  I can understand that, when I have been betrayed, or felt betrayed, I have felt rage – an almost uncontrollable anger and a deep desire for revenge – a dish I really believe is best served cold; ice cold.  When we are let down by those we love and care for, or when we think those who should stand by us leave us we can be dragged into the depths of despair.   Marge has put up with much in life and now it seems that her patience, her forbearance and her love are being thrown back at her.  It’s an experience many of us have had – and if we are truthful we have also been in positions where we throw back at those who love us their love, affirmation and affections.  We are both wounded and wounding, it’s a difficult thing to realise.  When we have been wounded it’s very difficult to forgive. 

In our reading we heard of Judas, a character we think about in passing in Holy Week.  Judas was a close friend of Jesus, one of the special 12 friends who followed Jesus, who shared their lives together and who knew Jesus’ most intimate thoughts and feelings.  He was trusted – he was the treasurer – and he chose to betray Jesus with a kiss.  A sign of trust turned into a sign of betrayal. 

Jesus himself was wounded – but unlike us he didn’t wound others.  No doubt he struggled with these emotions as those who were closest to him let him down, denied knowing him, betrayed and deserted him.  

Judas, one of his closest friends, was so addicted to power that he wanted to force Jesus to lead a revolt. He betrayed him with a kiss. An act of tender intimacy became an act of treachery. Sometimes those closest to us have betrayed us with similar acts.

Peter, his reliable second in command was so addicted to fear that he denied knowing Jesus so as so save his own skin. Sometimes when people have found out the truth about us they have denied knowing us, being afraid to be associated with us.

Most of Jesus’ male friends ran way from him, and were too scared to stand with him at the foot of the cross. They were addicted to shame not wanting to be seen with a convicted criminal. We can understand Jesus’ sense of loss because people were too ashamed to be seen with him.

Yet in this tale of betrayal, denial, shame and despair there are signs of hope.

Jesus’ own behaviour in front of all this hatred is, itself, a sign of hope. He did not get angry or even, but showed love forgiving those who ran away from him, denied knowing him, crucified him and even the one who had betrayed him.   In the episode from the Simpsons Marge gets to a place where she can forgive.  This is difficult but it’s the only way in which she can move on with her life.

Forgiveness 

Sometimes we can struggle with this idea of forgiveness.  We think that forgiveness means acting as if the wounding has not happened, as if it doesn’t matter any more, as if we can forget it – the expression “forgive and forget” comes to mind.  Yet I don’t think these things are always possible; when we have been so badly wounded or abused by those we thought loved us then we need to re-think what it means to forgive.   

Forgiveness is not about saying that it was as if these things never happened.  That just leads to denial and means the same things will happen again.  History repeats itself, it as to, we don’t listen!  So if we stay with an abusive partner who continues to abuse us and we act as if these things aren’t happening then they will happen again and again and we will become unwell.   

Forgiveness is deeper than pretending to forget.  Forgiveness is about saying that these things don’t have a hold over us any more.  I know abuse survivors who say that to remain eaten up about the abuse is still to let their abuser have power over them.  I know of times when I have been wounded, that my assailant or betrayer still has power over me if I let myself dwell on the pain and the anger.  Forgiveness is  about saying that we don’t life our lives with constant reference to the wound.   

This does not mean that we don’t get angry – anger can be a very powerful energy for change.  It does mean we don’t define ourselves by our anger and by our pain.  We have all been wounded  but we are all called to get better.  One of the reasons we don’t let new congregations start from church splits is that it is so tempting for the new church to be defined by their woundedness and anger.  We see this in denominations – for years MCC almost defined itself as a church of the rejected – we’d hear things like “We’re here for those rejected by other churches” well that is true but it’s not the whole truth – many of us have rejected other churches not been rejected by them – they were just not good enough!   

Many of us like to dwell in pain, to have a huge pity party and to invite others into that wonderful wallowing sensation.  No one knows how awful life is – well they do, because we keep telling them!  We can stay in our pain or we can learn to get better.  We can continue to be angry, to let the wounders have power over us or we can choose to move on, choose to forgive, choose to live without reference to those who have caused pain, and live the resurrected new life we believe in.   God forgives us – we have to learn to forgive others. 
 
Amen.

(Rev Andy Braunston)